Trials and Tribulations
by Cookie Creed
Summary: Dr Nancy Wood is chosen to be in the first group to go to Atlantis, where she meets the handsome Scottish doctor. She must face everything that is thrown at her to keep from breaking down, but this time she may not be able to handle the pressure. Rated T just to be safe. Romance/Hurt/Comfort/Family/Tradegy/Angst.
1. Good Doctor Beckett

_I apologise in advance for any spelling or grammatical mistakes. I wrote this as it came into my head and sometimes I get the words jumbled up._

**Good Doctor Beckett**

His eyes flew open.

"I think I did it," he gasped, his Scottish accent giving his words a unique lilt. Dr Weir sighed in relief.

"Good work, Carson," she said, patting him on the shoulder. Dr Beckett leapt out of the seat and backed away from it, afraid of what else he might do.

"I told you I'm the wrong man for this," he said mournfully. Dr McKay snorted.

"That's true. You almost killed the General," he said disdainfully. Dr Beckett rolled his eyes.

"And what would you have done?" he asked pointedly. Dr McKay began to reply but Dr Beckett threw up his hand. "Don't tell me, I don't want to know."

As a pair of scientists came up to ask about the incident Dr McKay turned and stalked away in a huff.

Neither of them noticed a young blonde doctor pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose while watching Dr Beckett longingly.

oOo

Setting up the medical bay was no hard task. Dr Beckett was ordering for things to be placed here and there; cabinets had to be stocked and beds had to be made. He worked tirelessly and for the first few days he had little time to fully appreciate the beauty of the City of the Ancients. His handful of assistants stood by him the whole time, giving him help when he needed it and following his orders dutifully.

Finally, it was done.

In the ensuing days a routine fell into place. Dr Beckett worked up a roster to have at least two of his staff on at any one time. Most of the time he was one of the staff.

Standing at the back of the room while Dr Beckett showed the roster to everyone, Dr Nancy Wood hunched shyly down. She was English, shorter than average height with short blonde hair that brushed over her shoulders in unruly curls. She was strong for someone of her size due to her past in archery, but was a lot weaker than most of the women on the base. Her shyness made it clear that she was someone to be overlooked.

Dr Wood saw her name on the roster several times. She was glad to see that she would work most days with only one other person with her. A blush filled her face when she noticed that the only person she would be partnered with was Dr Beckett.

She was quite taken with the handsome Scottish doctor. He was mysterious, kind, and had a good sense of humour. However, she had never attracted guys like him. She'd never attracted guys, period. Twenty-four and she'd still never been kissed. It wasn't that she repulsed them, it's just they forgot she was there.

It was the same with girls. She hadn't had many friends, preferring to stay home and read books or study. In a way, she was glad to have been chosen for the expedition. Out of all the people that could have come, she did. The girl with glasses who had never been in a relationship or had a best friend that wasn't fictional.

Dr Beckett ordered them to take the rest of the day off.

oOo

Dr Wood got her food and instead of eating in the mess hall with everyone else she made her way to a private balcony where she sat on her own. She felt like it was the first day of high school again. In high school she hid in a cupboard and ate her food. It was similar to the situation she was in now.

She cursed herself for being shy, but she really couldn't talk to people. The main reason was her stutter. It embarrassed her.

There were footsteps and someone sat next to her. A female Australian marine several years older than Dr Wood sat there with her food.

"You look lonely," the marine sighed. "I'm Lieutenant Pamela Wight. Nice to meet you."

"N-Nancy Wood," Dr Wood stuttered, glancing down. Lt Wight tactfully didn't say anything but ate her food.

Every day after that for a week, Lt Wight sat with Dr Wood on the balcony and ate. Then Lt Wight invited her to sit at a table with other marines. Dr Wood was horrified at the prospect but swallowed her protests and agreed.

She sat nervously among the soldiers, trying to focus on their conversation but failing. Not wanting to offend Lt Wight, she didn't complain and sat there silently.

It was her first shift in the infirmary in an hour and Dr Wood slipped away from the table, muttering that she had to work. No one noticed.

Dr Beckett was sitting at his table examining the severed Wraith hand that Major Sheppard had brought back with him earlier on in the week. A young Athosian boy sat on the other side of the room with a burn on his hand and a doctor tending to him.

"Ah, you must be Dr Wood," Dr Beckett said, looking up. Dr Wood dipped her head and shuffled past to a desk with a bunch of medical files sitting next to them. Without being told to she turned on the laptop and began typing up the notes. She heard Dr Beckett huff behind her and flinched, wondering if she'd done something wrong. He settled in his chair and she relaxed somewhat, focussing on her work.

The next time she looked at the clock it was midnight. Her shift had ended a while ago and the two doctors on duty were in the other room playing blackjack. She glanced around and saw Dr Beckett asleep at his computer. Pity filled her and she took two blankets from the supply cupboard, tucking one under his head and covering him with the other one. He muttered in his sleep and let out a huge breath. Dr Wood blushed and turned on her heel, darting down the corridors she'd memorised.

Her room was one of the smallest but was big enough to fit a double bed. Her things were neatly placed in their respective places and she took off her clothes, folding them and placing them on a chair tidily. She curled up in her bed and promptly fell asleep.

oOo

"Lass, say something."

Dr Wood looked up from the microscope and found Dr Beckett watching her.

"It's been two weeks and you haven't spoken to anyone at all. Are you quite alright?" Concern was obvious in his voice and she lowered her eyes.

"I have t-trouble talking, Dr B-Beckett," she stuttered quietly.

"I see," Dr Beckett said slowly, "and I would appreciate it if you call me Carson."

"Carson," she said. "C-call me N-Nancy."

"Aye, of course Nancy," Carson said, smiling. Her breath caught at the sight of his handsome face. There was no way a guy like him would ever be interested in her. "I read in your file that you liked archery and fishing. That's an odd combination."

She nodded. He walked over and sat beside her, making her stomach do flips.

"We're going to have to work on your talking, Nancy," he said. The way he said her name was amazing.

"No n-need," she said. "I-I don't like talking and n-never will. If I t-talk I get tea-teased."

"We're a family here, love," he said kindly. The door opened to admit a pair of marines with cuts on their face. Nancy pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose and went over to see the problem.

"Sparring accident," one of them said briskly. She nodded and began to clean the cuts. One needed stitches and Carson watched as she worked quickly and efficiently to get the job done. The marines left without even a thank you.

"We're definitely going to have to work on your talking," Carson said, more to himself.

oOo

He'd been sitting with many other girls for mealtimes and they weren't always from his department. Nancy watched as he laughed and chatted with them and how they spoke easily back. She wished that she could talk like that, but she was afraid of being hurt again. Her stutter had made her the school joke and she'd been teased relentlessly. Eventually she opted to not talk at all.

And look where it got her. She was in another galaxy! If her parents were alive they would be so proud!

"Nancy, would you care to take a walk."

She looked up and froze when it was Carson talking to her. He held out his arm and she took it, blushing at the way Pamela raised her eyebrow. They left the mess hall and it was pitch black outside.

"So, tell me, what was it like growing up?" Carson asked.

"Cold," she muttered. "I'm English."

"That's obvious by your accent," he laughed. She didn't smile back.

"What about your parents?"

"Dead."

"Oh."

He wasn't quite sure what to say then but lay his hand over hers comfortingly. She appreciated the fact that he didn't use words. She considered them unreliable.

They found themselves on the East Pier looking over the dark sea at night. The moon was bright and shone on them, illuminating their faces for anything out there to see.

"One of the lads today got stunned by a Wraith," Carson said. "He was out cold for an hour."

She wished that he wouldn't talk about work.

"Look love, I don't like it that you don't talk. It makes me wonder what goes through your head. What was so bad that you stopped talking altogether?"

"Bullying," she murmured. "B-bad bullying. Horrible."

"Oh love," Carson said sadly, moving closer to her. "Let's get you to bed."

He took her outside her room and bade her goodnight. When he left she went inside and stared at her reflection. What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she talk? Was it that she couldn't... or wouldn't?

oOo

She had no work the next day and spent it in front of her mirror talking.

"Hi, C-Carson, I t-tried talking like you told m-me to." Every time she stuttered she groaned in annoyance.

"Hey y'all, how're ya doin'?" she asked herself, imitating a movie.

It went on like that all day with no improvement. No matter how hard she tried she couldn't get rid of her stutter.

Pamela came to visit her in the afternoon.

"Sup?" she asked, holding out a doughnut. "I pinched these from the stores. Nice and fresh."

Nancy accepted it. "Is there any w-way you know to s-stop me s-stut-ttering?"

"That's the most I've heard you say," Pamela said. "It's just practice and confidence. I reckon you're ashamed of your stutter. You've got to own it. Be confident."

"I d-don't know how," Nancy said miserably. Pamela grabbed Nancy's brush and began to brush the younger woman's hair.

"I find that having your hair brushed is a great experience," Pamela said. Nancy had to agree.

"Dr B-Beckett says I have to s-stop stuttering," she said. "He wants m-me to talk m-more."

"There's nothing wrong with that," Pamela shrugged. "Look, just think about conversation. Imagine he's in pink polka-dot underwear or something. That always works for me."

Nancy giggled before she could stop herself. Pamela smiled. "See? That's an improvement."

Maybe she could do this. Nancy was hopeful.

oOo

Carson was sitting at his desk again. He smiled as Nancy entered.

"How are you today Nancy?" he asked.

"G-good Carson," she said. "How are y-you?"

He looked quite taken-aback. "I'm good love. What happened to you?"

"Lt Wight said I n-needed to be confident," Nancy said, making an effort to raise her voice.

"Ah, that she did," Carson said, a smile playing around his lips.

Nancy admired him. She even went as far to say that she was attracted to him. Carson was kind, funny and thoughtful. No one had ever acted like that towards her on Earth. Now he and Pamela were both changing her. She wondered if it was for the better. Her shyness had been her weakness.

"Come, sit here love," he said, patting the seat beside him. She sat obediently. "I was wondering if you could tell me about Sgt Harris' ankle injury the other day. I need to put through his results."

Nancy poured out everything she knew about the injury. The look on Carson's face was one of impress.

"You have a fine memory young lady," he complimented her.

"I r-remember everything," she muttered.

"Do you want to come get a coffee?" Carson asked. Startled by his offer, she nodded before she could think about it. They left the infirmary together and walked down to the mess hall. Carson was stopped by Elizabeth asking about how he was coping and Rodney demanding to know about power output in the medical bay. By the time they got to the mess hall it was late and no one was around.

Nancy yawned as she drank her coffee after mixing in some sugar. Carson sat next to her at the table.

"You know lass, Sheppard and Ford discovered some land that the Athosians will be occupying. I'm going to take some samples tomorrow. What say you come with me?"

"Sure."

Carson didn't know what it was about her. Maybe he felt sorry for her and maybe he wanted to help her. He felt closer to her than any other of his staff.

He finished his coffee. "I'll see you in the Jumper Bay tomorrow then," he said, smiling.

She was left alone in the mess hall, thinking how awful it was that she was afraid of the dark.

oOo

Nancy and Carson sat together in the back while two marines sat in the front. It was a fairly uneventful journey but a few bumps had Nancy pushed up against Carson. She hoped that he didn't see her blush.

Just her luck, he did. And he wondered about the reason behind it. After going through a mental list he came to the conclusion that maybe she liked him. He was surprised to find that he didn't mind that idea. She was a charming young woman, albeit shy, that had a lot going for her. She wasn't the prettiest of women but there was an innocence about her that he found appealing. He liked innocent women. They were always sweet.

They got off at the mainland and wandered off to get ground samples. Nancy found herself drifting away from the present and turned, finding Carson several steps behind her. She stepped back and fell, tripping over a tree root.

"Ow!" she cried as she landed on her back, the air being pushed from her lungs. Carson rushed over as she was propping herself up on her elbows.

"Are you alright love?" he asked.

"Yes," she mumbled, allowing him to help her onto her feet. She blushed when he held her close for a second, only to sadden when he let her go and stepped back with an air of embarrassment.

He didn't speak to her but they worked side-by-side, taking samples and recording data. When their time was up they walked silently to the Jumper. Nancy liked the silence but Carson was uncomfortable with it.

Once back on Atlantis he dropped the information into the medical bay and went in search of Nancy. He found her in her room wearing only shorts and a midriff top. Her embarrassment was obvious when she went to cover herself up.

"Wait love," Carson said, stepping forward with his hands up. "I just want to talk."

Nancy was suddenly wary. She stepped back away from him nervously, nodding to encourage him to talk.

"I just want to say that you're a very sweet lady and I like you very much," he blurted after a moments' hesitation. She blinked at him and he was filled with embarrassment. What was he thinking? She would never like someone like him - a nerd with his head in his work. He turned to leave when she spoke.

"I like you too," she said.

"You didn't stutter," he said in surprise. He took a step closer to her but she stepped back. He slowly walked forward and she walked back. She wasn't playing a game with him, but was nervous about being so close and alone with him.

Eventually she ran out of places to go and was backed against the wall. Carson stood over her and ran his hands down her arms to her waist. His hands slid around to stroke her back and the worry disappeared from her eyes, to be replaced by uncertainty. She didn't know what to do.

He leaned forward, pressing her against the wall, and kissed her.

She squealed and he shot back, nervous at her reaction. He was about to leave when she took a deep breath.

"Okay," she muttered. "That wasn't so bad."

"That was your first kiss?" he said in disbelief. She nodded. Without hesitation she grabbed his face and smashed it into hers. Their tongues explored each others mouth while their hands roamed freely. She loved the feel of his muscles and he loved the softness of her skin. When they parted he saw a sparkle in her eyes that he'd never seen before.

"Thank you for that," she said. This time it wasn't quiet. She was speaking normally.

"Anytime love," he replied, a bit out of breath.

oOo

Nancy couldn't wait to finish the meeting so she could go back to her room. Elizabeth was talking to the medical team about inoculating everyone on the base with the Ancient Gene. It was a long talk and as soon as it ended Nancy flew to her room and threw herself onto her bed.

Carson came in a moment later. He pulled off his shirt and leapt onto the bed, pinning her underneath him.

"I believe this is where you fix me up, good Doctor Beckett," she whispered into his ear.

"Always," he replied.


	2. Sister Has A Mister

_I apologise in advance for any spelling or grammatical mistakes. I wrote this as it came into my head and sometimes I get the words jumbled up._

**Sister Has A Mister**

**_Two years later…_**

Doctor Nancy Wood had been in Atlantis for two years now. She was a permanent member of the medical department and had distinguished herself amongst the senior staff of the expedition. As well as that, she was in a steady relationship with Doctor Carson Beckett, who happened to be her boss.

The romance that had blossomed between them came as a surprise to everyone, her most of all. She never thought that she would be noticed by any man – least of all the handsome Scottish doctor – but fate took a turn and she was the official other half of Carson. It was nice.

Nancy was currently in her quarters going through the stuff she'd brought with her to the expedition. The main reason was that she'd discovered a stray tie from her high school and she was checking to find any other items related to her previous life. And she did. She found her teenage diary and opened it to a random page.

_Dear Diary, _she had written.

_Today was as awful as always. Rachel was horrible, teasing about my braces as usual. I wish I was as big and strong as her so I could hit her and not expect a punch back. Knowing her, she'd aim at my mouth on purpose so that $5000 dollars would be wasted. I hate her. I hate having her as a sister. Why does she tease me? What have I done to her? I think it's my appearance. She's beautiful and perfect, and I'm not. I have big thighs, but these skinny little arms. My breasts are too small. I have braces. I guess my face is okay, but no one can see it under that curly blonde hair I hate. I have pigeon-toes and my fingers curve. Even if I grew nails they would be ugly. There's no way I will get anywhere on looks. Maybe that's why she teases me. Because I'm smart and that's all I've got going for me. I'll never get a date to Fall Formal. Diary, why do I look so weird? Why does Rachel bully me? She told me that she's ashamed to be my sister and she used my bed to sleep with guys more than once. I sleep on the couch now because I can smell them. Is that weird too?_

_Diary, I hope I don't have to deal with this when I'm grown._

_Nancy._

She closed the diary and ripped it to pieces. That part of her life was over. She was in Atlantis now and she'd escaped Rachel's bullying. If she was a continued member of the expedition then she wouldn't have to deal with Rachel again. As a matter of fact, she hadn't spoken to Rachel since the older girl moved out. Wow, she'd lost track of the years that had passed. She'd recognise her anywhere though. It was mainly because of Rachel's teasing, which the rest of the kids picked up on, that Nancy had developed her stutter, but now it was gone. Carson had made sure of that. She swooned like a lovesick fool whenever she thought of the doctor.

_"Doctor Wood to the Infirmary," _came a voice through her radio. _"Doctor Wood to the Infirmary."_

Sighing, she threw the remains of her teenage diary in the bin and headed to do her job.

oOo

A new group of Marines had arrived on the _Daedalus_ and her shift started in ten minutes so it was no bother to turn up early and evaluate their health. Carson was there too, which made Nancy's stomach flutter like it had when she'd first seen him ordering them around in the Infirmary. Had it really been two years?

It was a large group of Marines today with some Air Force mingling with them. Some of them were heckling one of Nancy's co-workers; a pretty brunette woman with a lovely smile. She was uncomfortable with the attention and looked up gratefully when Nancy entered.

"Thanks," the doctor said. "You just saved me from some snide comments."

"Don't worry, I'll cover the end of your shift," Nancy assured her. "Mine is starting shortly anyway."

The woman grinned and nearly ran out of the Infirmary. Nancy got to work taking blood samples, blood pressure and swabs to detect sickness. None of the Marines heckled her, for which she was glad. Carson had just come into the Infirmary. He smiled and began to make his way over to her. That was when Nancy noticed one of the Marines staring at him, checking him out. She was about to speak when she froze.

"How are you, love?" Carson asked, leaning down and pecking her lips. She gave him a weak smile and he frowned. "What's going on?"

"Later," she murmured. From the other side of the Infirmary the Marine woman was staring with her eyes wide. Carson touched her cheek and left, leaving Nancy to take the samples from the rest of the Marines. Once she ran the samples through a machine and their results came back clean they could go. She kept her eyes averted and saved the Marine woman until last.

She approached sullenly, dreading what was coming. "Hold out your arm please," she said tightly.

"Oh, now, is that any way to treat your sister?" Rachel pouted.

"I said please," Nancy shot back. How was this happening to her? She'd come to Atlantis to escape. Now she had Rachel, the worst bully of her life in Atlantis too. And Rachel had checked out Carson. He was out of bounds.

"So, I see my sister has a mister," Rachel said condescendingly, holding out her arm. Nancy tried to be as gentle as possible when taking blood but Rachel moaned and cried that it was hurting, causing some of the Marines to glare at her. Nancy blushed.

"Yes, I do."

"And you're not stuttering anymore."

"You're the one who made me stutter with your bullying. Can't you lay off?"

"No. He must be pretty blind to be going out with you."

Nancy flushed. "Just because some guys are more into brains-"

"Oh, save it. I don't really care. Just stay out of my way."

A feeling of dread seeped into Nancy. _Stay out of my way._ She knew Rachel, and when she said that it meant to stay away from her and a guy. That… awful girl was going to try and steal Carson just because Nancy had him. Every piece of hate she'd ever felt towards her sister crashed down on her and she glared at Rachel with such venom that Rachel raised an eyebrow.

"Wow, you're been practicing," she cooed. Nancy held up the swab and dabbed it on Rachel's tongue, taking her last sample. She gladly retreated to the machine and put in the samples one by one. It took only ten minutes for the results for everyone to come in and one of the men had a cold. She prescribed anti-biotics – everyone needed to be in their best shape – and watched all the newbies file out. None of them knew what it took to survive in Pegasus.

She heard a flirtatious giggle and snuck to peer into the next room, her spine tightening when she saw Rachel flirting and flicking her hair at Carson. He was smiling. Nancy's stomach heaved and she turned away from the scene to keep herself from puking everywhere. The giggling stopped and someone approached her.

"Nancy, love, what are you-"

He rushed up to her and helped her onto a bed, stroking her hand. As soon as he touched her she calmed and moulded into his body. Just his presence was enough to calm her.

"Tell me what's going on," he whispered, kissing the top of her head.

"That woman you were just talking to," Nancy said softly, "she's my sister."

"Your sister?"

"Yes. She's the reason I stuttered. She bullied me so bad and because she did, everyone else did. It was horrible. I couldn't go home and find peace. She ruined my teenage life and made me insecure about everything. When I took her samples she basically told me that she was going to steal you from me, just because you're with me."

"Oh, love." He leaned down and kissed her lips. "That would never happen."

She snuggled into Carson, wondering why she was such a coward with things like this. Feelings were never her specialty.

oOo

"Oh, Carson, you're such a flirt!"

Nancy's head shot up at the words and saw that Rachel was right up against Carson with her cleavage poking out from her shirt. Carson looked uncomfortable and he stepped back.

"I don't know where you got that idea," he shook his head. "Look, Sergeant Wood, you've got the wrong idea. Please, leave me alone. I'm unavailable and I don't intend to be available anytime soon."

Nancy smiled triumphantly and Rachel looked murderous. She stalked from the Infirmary and Carson shook his head before joining Nancy to write reports.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"She's out of line," Carson grinned. "Besides, there's no way I would leave you. Not since you shared your gift with me."

Nancy remembered that beautiful night and breathed deeply, as if she could relive it somehow. Carson squeezed her hand and they continued to write, only pausing when someone had an injury to tend to or a team came back from off world.

When her shift finished Nancy went straight to her room, looking forward to sleep. Carson was working late that night and he wouldn't join her for a few hours yet. However when she got to her room something else greeted her: Rachel sitting on her bed with everything strewn around her.

"Ooh, you're so in love," Rachel simpered, holding up a photo of Nancy and Carson. "BS." She ripped it in halves then ripped those halves into halves. "You don't deserve it. You're ugly and stupid."

"I'm not ugly or stupid," Nancy grated. "Look, why can't you leave me alone? This isn't high school anymore. You don't have to try and ruin my life here."

"I know I don't," Rachel said coolly. "I just like watching you suffer. I can't believe you have one of his shirts." She held up the grey shirt that had been a gift from Carson. "Oops." It fell onto a candle Rachel had lit and was set alight. Nancy watched it burn with wide eyes.

"What do you want?!" she shouted. "Why do you want me to suffer?!"

"No reason," Rachel shrugged.

"I'm not a weak girl anymore," Nancy snarled, moving closer. "I'm not afraid of you."

"Yes you are," Rachel grinned. "I saw how afraid you were of approaching me and I saw how afraid you were when I told you I would take Carson. I _will_ have my way."

Nancy curled her hands into fists, glad that she'd done archery in college. "Leave. Now. I'm stronger than I used to be."

"And so am I," Rachel announced in a sing-song voice. She stood and shimmied from the room. "Good luck competing with me sister."

She left and the door closed. "I don't have to," Nancy said softly.

oOo

Since then Rachel didn't stop. Nancy heard stories circulating about how easy her sister was and she was getting more attention, since they were sisters. One man even found it appropriate to ask if Nancy could be like her sister. When Carson heard he summoned the man to the Infirmary and made the rest of his day hell with some painful therapy and injections. After that Nancy was left alone by everyone but Rachel.

That woman didn't seem to know when to let up. She ignored every rejection by Carson and pursued him relentlessly. Even though Nancy knew he wouldn't cheat, she worried constantly. The bullying became worse, so bad that Nancy worked up the nerve to go to Weir.

"Can I help you?" Weir asked. Nancy sat down.

"I'm Doctor Wood," she began. "I've been part of this expedition from the beginning. There is a group of Marines that arrived a few weeks ago and my sister was among them. When I was younger she bullied me relentlessly and since getting here it's begun again. If she keeps it up I'm afraid that my stutter will return and she'll do something to hurt me physically and emotionally."

"How would she hurt you emotionally?"

"As you know, I'm in a relationship with Doctor Beckett. She swore to steal him from me. I trust him completely, but she's being completely inappropriate. I'd like to request for her to be sent back to Earth."

"I'll consider your request."

"Doctor, have you ever been bullied?"

Weir blinked. "Uh, no."

"Please consider it now. More than once, when I was younger, I debated killing myself to escape. She ruined my youth, Doctor, and she's ruining my reputation here. She sleeps around with the men and I have had a man come up to me and ask why I'm not as easy as her. She's messing around with me because she loves to see me suffer. Please consider it now."

"I'll send her to Heightmeyer."

That was as good as it was going to get. Nancy thanked her and left, her knees shaking. Carson was waiting for her in her room, his eyes worried.

"How are you?" he asked, holding out his arms. She promptly fell into them.

"Can you cheer me up?" she asked, looking up at him. "You know, in that special way of yours."

He smiled and leant down, kissing her.

oOo

Over the next week or so Nancy watched as Rachel was sent daily to see Heightmeyer. She crossed her fingers and hoped that the talks were having an effect, but if they were, Rachel wasn't going to let her sister know. If anything, she was angrier.

Lt Pamela Wight, one of Nancy's good friends, was sitting next to Nancy at a table with a group of mixed military and civilians. They were talking animatedly of Lorne, who Pamela had checked out and they debated on his attractiveness levels. Nancy could easily say that while he was attractive, she would never date him because she had Carson. The Scottish doctor was an even better catch than the handsome Major.

"Hey, loser."

Nancy looked around and found Rachel's face inches from her own.

"What?" she asked.

"Don't be getting too comfortable around them." Rachel waved a hand at the other people sitting at the table, none of whom had noticed the commotion. "I'll bet if I share a few skeletons from your closet they won't want to get close to you."

"Hey," Pamela said indignantly, glaring at Rachel, "lay off my friend."

Rachel rounded on Pamela. "Your _friend_ here is my sister, so stay out of it."

Pamela stood and loomed over Rachel – the Australian woman versus the English woman. "Nancy is a good friend to me. Stop messing around with her. You'll only end up embarrassed. No one likes being bullied. You need to wake up and realise that you are grown women now. Stop being a bloody baby!"

Nancy watched as Rachel's hands twitched, which was a sign that she was nervous.

"I'm not a baby," Rachel retorted, but her voice was quavering. "I can destroy you if I want to."

"Good luck with that," Pamela snorted. "Look around. You have _no_ friends. You're so nasty that people want nothing to do with you. You have no influence over me. Hell, I just met you and already I want to strangle you. Lay off my friend and stop being a bully. You're only going to get yourself sent back to Earth."

Rachel paled and closed her eyes. When she opened them, Nancy thought she could detect something like remorse making its way onto her face, but Rachel stalked away and the moment was gone.

"I think you got through to her," Nancy said softly once Pamela sat down again.

"She's going to get what's coming to her," the other woman shrugged. Nancy couldn't shake that look from her face. There had been no venom, but complete remorse. Perhaps Heightmeyer was getting through to her after all.

oOo

Nancy was running along one of the deserted corridors on her daily jog when she heard voices. Automatically she drew back, but crouched down when she recognised Rachel's voice.

"Why did you bring me here?" Rachel was asking.

"Because," said a husky, unfamiliar voice, "no one will disturb us this way."

There was a hard kissing sound and a grunt. "What the hell?" Rachel demanded. "I told you I wasn't interested."

"Why? You're with everyone else?"

"No I'm not! It was only six guys! That's not everyone."

"I wanna be number seven." The huskiness was back.

"No! I don't want to keep it up." Rachel sounded upset.

"So you're not going to give me anything?"

"No!"

"You little-"

There was a slapping sound and Rachel cried out. Nancy was galvanised into action and hurtled around the corner, throwing herself at the guy who'd slapped her sister. He fell easily due to surprise and his head hit the wall. He passed out instantly. Her eyes flashing, Nancy glared up at Rachel.

"I'm not going to do that again," she spat. Rachel looked almost apologetic, which wasn't something Nancy was used to.

"Look, I'm sorry," Rachel blurted. "I'm sorry for screwing up your life!"

"What brought on this change?"

"I've been talking with Heightmeyer. Weir summoned me to her office and ordered me to go to her. We kinda talked it out."

Nancy breathed. Thank goodness Heightmeyer had gotten through! "Does this mean you're not going to try and destroy my life and reputation?"

"That's right. I'm going to try and help mend it. I was the one who was in the wrong. I'm sorry for ruining your room, ripping the photo and burning the shirt."

"That's okay. I had spare photos and Carson gave me another shirt. Just promise me one thing."

"What?"

"Promise to help me carry this lump to the Infirmary."

Rachel cracked a smile and ran to Nancy, enveloping her smaller sister in a tight hug. "I was horrible to you!" she cried. "How are you able to forgive me? I gave you that dumb stutter and set the whole school against you."

Nancy smiled and squeezed Rachel. "I met Carson."

oOo

A few days after Rachel sorted out her issues with her sister, Nancy made her way into Carson's room. She didn't think he would be there but it was a lovely surprise to put her ear to the door and listen. Her eyebrows shot up when she heard the song playing.

_I don't want another pretty face,_

_I don't want just anyone to hold,_

_I don't want my love to go to waste,_

_I want you and your beautiful soul._

_You're the one I want to chase,_

_You're the one I wanna hold,_

_I won't let another minute go to waste,_

_I want you and your beautiful soul._

She waved her hand over the control and entered. Carson looked up from where he'd been relaxing and jumped, flicking his stereo off immediately. In the two years they'd dated she never knew he listened to Jesse McCartney.

"It reminds me of you," he said quickly. He took a deep breath. "It reminds me of you and your beautiful soul."

"Thanks," she smiled warmly. "Same here."

"No, it's different." He stood and pulled her into the room, closing the door. "Come here. I want to show you something."

He took her head and led her outside onto his private balcony; which, coincidentally, had no shelter. It was raining outside; not heavy but not light; and Carson grasped her hands. The song played from inside the room while they danced in the rain. Peace spread through her and made her fingers tingle.

"So I understand that Sergeant Wood saw the light," he said, water droplets dripping off his soaked hair. Nancy was glad that she hadn't worn her glasses when she came to his room.

"Yeah. She's apologised and is working on mending both our reputations on Atlantis. It's harder for her than it has been for me."

Carson chuckled and pressed his lips to her wet forehead, brushing the blonde strands away from her face. "We need to talk."

Foreboding spread through her chest. This was it. He was breaking up with her. What an idiot she'd been! Why wouldn't he?

"Wait, no, it's not that," he laughed softly. He reached down and took her chin, tilting her head up to face him. "It's something completely different."

"What is it?" she breathed. He was insanely attractive with water running down his face.

"Nancy Wood, I want to tell you that I love you," he whispered. Oh. Her mind went blank and her face slack, causing him to smile widely.

"I, uh, um, well. Gah I j-just- oh n-no I'm s-stuttering again!" She was aghast.

"At least I know it got to you emotionally," he grinned.

"What I mean to say," she said determinedly, speaking slowly and purposefully, "is that I love you too."

The corners of his eyes crinkled. "I know, love." Then he leant down and kissed her.

When Rachel heard the news, she cheered.


	3. Packing For Earth

_I apologise in advance for any spelling or grammatical mistakes. I wrote this as it came into my head and sometimes I get the words jumbled up. This story is what would happen if Beckett left someone behind on Atlantis at his death._

**Packing For Earth**

**_One year later…_**

The room looked bare now that all Nancy's personal effects had been removed. It was like any other room in the city but with an air of loss and misery. Nancy got to work organising her belongings while Carson's stereo played _Summer Rain _by Belinda Carlisle on repeat.

_Whispering out goodbyes,_

_Waiting for a train,_

_I was dancing with my baby,_

_In the summer rain._

_I can hear him saying,_

_Nothing will change,_

_So dance with me baby,_

_In the summer rain._

She slammed shut one of her bags and got started with packing her clothes. There was still so much to do as she'd spread out a lot in three years. It was a challenge to go into Carson's room and take what she wanted in memory of him. She'd taken his stereo, his cologne, some of his clothes, one of his favourite figurines and a picture taken of the two of them. As she stared at the picture an ache throbbed in her chest. The ache had formed two weeks ago, when she'd first received news of Carson's death.

She had been off world at the time helping out a group of sick children. When she got back the mood was dire and she found out immediately. Carson had died in an explosion. There was nothing she could have done to prevent it, but that didn't make it any less painful. If anything, it was worse because she hadn't been there to be vaporised with him. There was no point in continuing her life in Atlantis if Carson wasn't there with her.

_I remember the rain on our skin,_

_And his kisses hotter than the Santa Ana winds._

_Whispering our goodbyes,_

_Waiting for the train,_

_I was dancing with my baby,_

_In the summer rain._

_I remember laughing till we almost cried,_

_There at the station that night. I remember looking in his eyes._

Pamela came into the room and saw the mess of belongings. "Here, let me help you."

"There's no need," Nancy muttered. Pamela shook her protest aside and knelt down, beginning to fold and place shirts on one side of the bag. Nancy knew what was coming but she didn't want to hear it. She just wanted to curl up in a corner and shut herself off from the world around her.

"You shouldn't do this to yourself," Pamela murmured. "I'll probably never understand what you two felt but I know that you can't be destroyed over this. There are so many more guys out there like Carson who you could love just as much."

"No, there's not," Nancy said stubbornly, forcing down the tightness in her throat. "Carson and I belonged together. You know what I found when I went through his things?" She reached into her pocket and showed Pamela a velvet box with a diamond ring inside.

"Oh no."

"He was going to propose! Do you have any idea what that's like!" Nancy's voice broke and she shoved the box back in her pocket. "We're never going to marry or kiss or talk again. I _loved_ him Pamela. I owed him. He was the one who saved me from my living death and I can never love someone after loving him. More than once I thought he was dead and he always found a way back to me. Not this time. This time he's dead for good. I held his casket and carried it home! I went with McKay to give his mum the news. She's probably the only person who's worse off about this then I am."

Pamela looked like she was about to burst into tears. "I'm so sorry… if there was anything I could do…"

"I know," Nancy said heavily. She closed her second bag and moved to the third. Pamela wiped her eyes.

"I should go, uh, leave you to it," she muttered. "I just…"

"Go. I don't want you to be upset too."

Pamela stood and left the room.

_Oh my love it's you that I dream of,_

_Oh my love since that day,_

_Somewhere in my heart I'm always,_

_Dancing with you in the summer rain._

_Doesn't matter what I do now,_

_Doesn't matter what I say._

_Somewhere in my heart I'm always,_

_Dancing with you in the summer rain._

Her throat prickled and fresh tears fell from her sore, red eyes. Crying every time she was alone was not a good hobby. He'd been dead for a month. She knew she would have to get over it one day, but there was no chance of it now. No one wanted to comfort the grieving doctor; they were all trying to tell her it would be okay. No one offered a shoulder to cry on or direct sympathy because no one she knew had suffered a loss quite like that.

Now Rachel came in. They'd come closer over the past year, but they were not best friends. Things were still tense between them – now more than ever because Rachel had once tried to tempt Carson away from Nancy.

"Hey," Rachel said softly, "I don't think there's any chance of talking you out of going back to Earth?"

"No," Nancy replied firmly. "There are too many memories of Carson here. I can't stay knowing that he died here. It's cowardly, but I have to go. There's no way I'm staying."

Rachel's eyes misted. "I'll miss you." She surprised Nancy by stepping forward, kneeling down and enveloping her in a hug. Something inside Nancy broke and she was sobbing uncontrollably. This was the first time Rachel had sought to comfort her.

"I miss him!" she sobbed, clutching Rachel tighter. "I miss his smile and Scottish lilt! I miss his scent and the way he runs his hands through his hair!"

"Think of it this way," Rachel murmured. "He's probably watching you from somewhere, missing you too. You'll be reunited one day. Just be patient."

"I'm not going to dishonour him and be with anyone else," Nancy swore. "He's not going to like it, but I will. He's the only man I will ever love."

Rachel chuckled. "One day you're going to have to teach me what love is like. I've never known it."

"I hope you never do, because it hurts so much when they're gone."

Her sister rocked her gently for a minute or two then let go and stood. "You need to be alone for the moment. I'll visit you on Earth as soon as I can."

Nancy gave her a watery smile. "Thanks."

Then Rachel was gone.

_I can hear the whistle,_

_Military train,_

_I was dancing with my baby,_

_In the summer rain._

_I can hear him singing,_

_Ooh 'Love is strange',_

_Come dance with me baby,_

_In the summer rain._

Her third bag was packed and she stood, sitting on the bed. Pain shot through her as she remembered countless nights with Carson in that bed. Oh, how it hurt! She ached for him more than she'd ever ached for anyone before. It ate her from the inside out. Her sun was gone. Carson had been the one bright spot in her life and now he was gone. She cursed that she had bared her emotions, only to have them torn apart at his tragic death.

It had been hard on everyone, but her especially. She wasn't being selfish. How could she function with such a hole inside her? There was no way she could focus after losing him. His death had come as a shock to everyone, but now she was fated to be alone. Then she found out that he intended to propose and that made the pain even worse.

_I remember the rain pouring down,_

_And we poured our hearts out,_

_As the train pulled out._

_I can see my baby,_

_Waving from the train,_

_It was the last time that I saw him,_

_In the summer rain._

Nancy thought about the song. It was about a woman whose husband had left for war and died; her last memory of him being them dancing in summer rain while waiting for the train to take him to his death. At least she'd been with him before he died. Nancy had been on a different planet for a few days beforehand. The last time she'd seen him was when she was getting ready in the morning. She was buttoning up her shirt when he grabbed it from where he lay naked on the bed and pulled her down to kiss her thoroughly. Then she'd finished dressing, he's squeezed her hand and she left the room. At least she could take solace with the fact that she'd kissed him deeply before he died.

She wondered what his lasts thoughts were. According to McKay, his death had been quick so he probably only had milliseconds. That would have been enough. His last thought was probably 'Oh no I'm dying!' but she harboured the private hope that he'd thought of her. It was what any sensible person would hope.

_Oh my love it's you that I dream of,_

_Oh my love since that day,_

_Somewhere in my heart I'm always,_

_Dancing with you in the summer rain._

_Doesn't matter what I do now,_

_Doesn't matter what I say._

_Somewhere in my heart I'm always,_

_Dancing with you in the summer rain._

She set aside a special space in one of her bags for everything of Carson's. While she packed, she thought of their fondest memory. To her, it was the moment when he'd confessed that he loved her and kissed her in the rain. That was their golden moment. That was the moment when they became soul mates and loved each other.

_I remember the rain pouring out,_

_And we poured out hearts out,_

_As the train pulled out._

_I can see my baby,_

_Waving from the train._

_It was the last time that I saw him,_

_In the summer rain._

What would it be like to die? Would she meet Carson again once they died? Perhaps she would, but she didn't know. It didn't seem likely that anyone else would visit her as she packed so she went slower, starting on the fourth bag with a heavy heart.

_Oh my love it's you that I dream of,_

_Oh my love since that day,_

_Somewhere in my heart I'm always,_

_Dancing with you in the summer rain._

_Doesn't matter what I do now,_

_Doesn't matter what I say._

_Somewhere in my heart I'm always,_

_Dancing with you in the summer rain._

Now she was singing along with the song, pouring all her hurt and pain into the lyrics. She'd never been great at singing but she put in as much emotion as possible; perhaps it would take away some of the pain.

_Every time I see the lightening,_

_Every time I hear the thunder,_

_Every time I close the window,_

_When this happens in summer._

_Oh the night is so inviting._

_I can feel that you are so close,_

_I can feel you when the wind blows,_

_Blows right through my heart._

"You're dead!" she cried. "Carson, you're dead! Why is this happening? Why am I being punished?! What did I do to deserve this! I spent my entire life dealing with bullying but this is the absolute worst thing that has ever happened! I hate that guy with the tumour! I will NEVER forgive him! He killed you!"

_Oh my love it's you that I dream of,_

_Oh my love since that day,_

_Somewhere in my heart I'm always,_

_Dancing with you in the summer rain._

_Doesn't matter what I do now,_

_Doesn't matter what I say._

_Somewhere in my heart I'm always,_

_Dancing with you in the summer rain._

Her fourth bag was packed and she was leaning against her bed, tears streaming from her face which was probably red and in need of a wash. She needed to shower too, but couldn't be bothered. Everything was pointless now that Carson was dead. Nancy didn't know what she would do when she got back on Earth. She would probably join the SGC or a hospital and never speak of why she was so dark. No one could possibly fathom her. No one but Carson ever understood her. He was one of a kind.

_Every night and every day now,_

_Though I know you've gone away,_

_Somewhere in my heart I'm always,_

_Dancing with you in the summer rain._

Nancy was packed and ready to go.

oOo

A large group of the expedition had gathered to see her off. They watched her go silently and she waved goodbye feebly, hiding her face. Rachel and Pamela escorted her to the Stargate and the next thing she knew, she was on Earth.

Time had no meaning. One moment she was in Atlantis and the next she was sitting in her new apartment, staring at a picture of her and Carson. She went through her days with a sort of numb unawareness, wanting nothing but to be reunited with Carson. Rachel came to visit twice a year, as promised, but that wasn't enough.

Nancy paid no attention to the outside world. She never saw the truck before it was too late. There was no pain; she died instantly.

oOo

_There was endless darkness. In that darkness a small light glowed. She moved closer and a hand extended. She accepted it and it pulled her into light. It was Carson. He smiled and kissed her tenderly. That was when she knew that she was home. This time she didn't need to pack. Carson was all she needed._


End file.
